Inside the tent

It’s probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.
Lyndon B. Johnson

I’ve always been someone who has preferred to be outside the tent. I have always had a deep-seated suspicion of joining anything. I don’t want to be co-opted – why would anyone want to co-opt me?

So what I’ve just done has taken me by surprise … I’ve joined the Labour Party. I know they’re not perfect, and they never will be, but this election result has booted me up my complacent leftie arse and made me want to get involved in whatever small way I can to make this a fairer country, and to improve the lives of the poorest and the most vulnerable. Labour can do this, even if they will never be as radical as I would like …. in the gap between a Labour government and a Conservative government lies death, misery and waste. If the Conservatives get elected again in 2020 I at least want to be able to look myself in the mirror and know I at least tried to stop it happening, I tried to take small, practical, measurable steps to make this country a fairer, more equal, more hopeful place.

I’ll always call out Labour policies I don’t like. I am not a fan of austerity-lite or their ridiculous position on immigration, that’s never going to change. What has changed is now I want to build and contribute towards policies that I do like, on disabled benefits, on minimum wage, on workplace protection, on human rights, and to get involved in local policies on housing and education that are coming to a boil. So, as of now, I’ll be inside the tent pissing out … want to join me?

I’m going to get myself deported

This election is making me want to leave the country.

Driving down the A34, passing houses draped in UKIP posters, the bookshop … the fucking bookshop! … round the corner from my house has a 3 page article pinned on the shop doorway urging Britain’s to vote UKIP in order to make Britain great again.

What the hell is wrong with people? Why can’t we see the real enemy? Except … this surge in support for UKIP actually starts to suggest that people are starting to train their sights on the true culprits for this absolute mess we find ourselves in during the foul year of our lord 2015. Not the people who are voting for UKIP rather than BNP. There probably isn’t much that can be done for them. However, a number of people give their reason for voting UKIP as that they are sick of the political class, they want to shake things up. This instinct is absolutely correct. Unfortunately we live in a country where a middle-aged, white male, employed by Rupert Murdoch and until recently the BBC, who counts the prime minister as a personal friend, can be seen as some sort of figure of rebellion. It isn’t surprising that our notions of how to shake-up the status quo are a little off.

To make it quite clear, a vote for UKIP is a vote for the establishment. Funded by billionaires (Richard Desmond, owner of the Daily Express, hasn’t given his journalists a pay rise since 2008 has donated £1.3 million pounds to UKIP, evidence to anyone that it isn’t immigrants keeping wages down it is greedy owners), and with a core of candidates and members drawn from a lifetime in the Conservative party, city banking, and wealthy landowners, a vote for UKIP is, with apologies to Elton John, a vomit directly into a strong wind. For 99% of people who vote for UKIP, a UKIP government would literally be the worst thing that could happen for them. Maybe by the 2020 election they will have figured this out and we can start having a sensible debate about politics in this country? Maybe, but I am not optimistic. Race, Europe and immigration appear to be three topics that will always lie outside of rational political discourse in this creche of a country.

Not that any of the other parties are exactly making a compelling case for voting for them. Anyone who votes for Liberal Democrats frankly deserve everything they have coming to them. David Cameron’s campaign must rank as one of the worst of all time. When the SNP win a massive majority in Scotland and call another referendum in 5 years time – which they will win – you can blame the break-up of the union on a prime minister who has spent much of the last few weeks telling the world that any government that is made up of votes from a quarter of the kingdom would be illegitimate. It is an act of unprecedented constitutional recklessness that is being supported by a mainstream media that is increasingly not seeing the need to even try and dress up the fact that they are essentially the cheerleaders for the Conservative party. I mean, does the Telegraph even read the nonsense that the Conservative press team feed them or do they just print it verbatim?

As for Labour, well, they haven’t been quite as disappointing as I thought, but that really is setting the bar pretty low. Out of a bad bunch they would almost certainly cause the least damage, but they are still so wedded to the false rhetoric of austerity that all they really have to offer is diet tory. Where are the progressive policies on environment, transport, housing and wages that we need so desperately? If Murdoch really isn’t so important any more, where are the policies that would make the old bastard’s blood boil? Labour still seems to be trying to keep a foot in tory territory. Fuck privatisation. There’s a winning campaign slogan for you right there Ed, but we all know you’ll never say it.

Politicians have too much invested in keeping the show turning and to hell with the rest of us. Which is why I understand that impulse that makes people think of voting for UKIP, but you wouldn’t shit in your bed out of choice and then settle down for your 8 hour sleep in it, and voting for UKIP would be worse and would enable more of their racist, sexist, homophobic bullshit, so please don’t do it. 99% of us are in it together. We should concentrate our anger on the 1%, the elites, the corporations, the troika, the political classes, and UKIP are ball deep in with them. Whoever wins this election, our work is only just beginning.